about fifty

Start Weight: 81,4kg (180lbs)
Current Weight: 78,6kg (173lbs)
Total weight lost: 2,8kg

I don’t get it. I really don’t know why it’s going so slow. I eat very well and I go running 3 times a week and do BodyRock-workouts. I keep it like this and stay strong. I don’t see a sense in changing anything yet.

I found a new and better app which I use for running now. It’s SportsTracker, it’s great. Go and have a look here. Oh and by the way, I reached a goal of mine. I ran 30 minutes through on 3^rd of November. Awesome, isn’t it? I am quite proud of myself. But unfortunately my shins were aching again which means I have to slow it down, again. Also I have to go and buy new running shoes and some winter gear, like a good running jacket, gloves and maybe a beanie. I don’t have something like that. No functional clothes, never have been running in winter.

I wanted to show you what I ate in the last week, it’s not all of it but most. I have to admit that I had a little downfall on Sunday where I ate a lot of bread. Too bad, but I learn from it.

And again, for my own beliefs, I wanted to share a story with you. The following happened to me in winter 09/10 where I weighed about 86kg. It was the most terrible thing I’ve ever experienced regarding my weight.

It was a Saturday evening and I wanted to meet some friends in the city to go to different pubs. So I took the tram which I entered in the last cabin. I was listening to music; still I could hear my environment. There were two boys, let’s say young men who were talking about a guy who was standing outside. And they didn’t use nice words. I didn’t look at them but I could see their faces in the reflection in the windows. I saw that they were neither beautiful nor nice.

Suddenly they started talking about me. I wasn’t noticing in the first place but it was quite clear after a few minutes. They were saying, ‘Oh my god, look at her, what fat knees. And her fingers, such a fat girl. She should do some sports and better not eat any longer.’ I was paralyzed, I didn’t know what to do. I was embarrassed because of all the other people in the tram who listened to all of it and I was furious. It went on like this. They said a lot about me and my body. I think you can imagine on your own. When we were at the main station I saw that they stood behind me and still, didn’t stop talking about me. So I turned around and saw that one of them was fat and both were ugly. Not just because I was mad at them, because they really were. So I said that I can hear them and if they don’t mind not talking like this about me. They were speechless in the beginning. Then I was saying something like people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones and though I wasn’t skinny at least I wasn’t as half-baked as them. Probably they didn’t know what else to say so they started to tell me that I’m a whore and they would pay girls like me for letting them give them a blow job and so on and on. By that time I wasn’t looking at them any longer and turned my back to them.  When we all stepped off the tram they were yelling after me I’m a whore and all that stuff.

I was raging. I couldn’t believe this really happened to me. My body was shaking and I just tried to find a place where I could be alone for that moment. Then, I started crying. I only remember that I called my brother and told him what just has happened to me. He calmed me down and I was okay again.

But since this day I’ve never entered the tram in the last cabin again. Never. And I’ve never worn the clothes again I wore that day. I’m aware of the fact that those guys were idiots but it also shows me that my appearance is not normal. My weight is not normal. I am overweight. And I really want to change that. Not just because of this story, for me, for my own feeling. Normally I am very self-confident but when it comes to my body, I cannot deny that I have a problem with it.  It’s my personal weakness.

With this in mind, let’s hope I’ll have a good week! See you soon!