about fifty

Hello 2013, hello you, hello, hello...

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 19:18:50 +0100

Wow, it’s 2013. And I am still here, still with my extra fat pad. Yay.

You know, I’ve read through my blog just now and it feels like a different person was running it the last months. It’s just, since I started taking the pill again nothing went how I wanted it - weightloss wise. Let me tell you, I’m still at my current weight, probably slightly above because Christmas and all that jazz, but yeah. That’s almost the same as 2011. How motivating… NOT.

Even if my friend Mr. Fat hasn’t left me, something else happened. I’ve thought about losing weight. About myself. And I am at the point in my life where I say, either you lose it now or you just accept yourself as you are. Because I am not unhealthy. I’m just not skinny. And you know what happened? I’ve started to like myself. I really do. But I’ve realised that I still want to lose some weight. But screw the 55kg. I’d be absolutely happy with 65kg. That’s already enough. So, there will be this final attempt for 2013, to lose this weight. If it doesn’t work out, screw it. Then I stay as I am. It’s about eating healthy, being healthy, in and out, and not gaining weight. That’s it.

So, if you are interested in this final, I’m serious with this, attempt, stay tuned. It might work out.

Finally, I’ve made it. But only because I am seriously ill...

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 20:52:48 +0100

Finally, I’ve made it. But only because I am seriously ill and I have to stay at home.

What do the pictures above tell you? From left to right, top to bottom.

Nice autumn sky, day and night.
I have my Bachelor of Arts which needed some celebrating with some Hugo’s (the drink’s name).
Back to university. Super oldschool chairs and tables plus an awesome view from my favourite place in one building.
My new indoor bike. Yay.
And finally - words which need to be spoken.

So, what happened. After I’ve finished my bachelor thesis I had 2-3 weeks where I didn’t give a damn about what I ate. So I put on some but I am back around 74. So, until christmas I’d be happy about 72. Maybe this will happen.

I’m still doing all the same things - only thing changed is my life which is so stressful. I am almost never at home and maybe that’s the reason for my sickness. I have to see a doctor tomorrow. I’ve had and still have a temperature now for almost 4 days and it gets pretty high in the evenings (something between 39 and 40), so there’s something wrong.

Well, that’s it actually. I’m not too much into blogging at the moment. But maybe I should just start to write about the normal life things again - I’ll see. First, I have to become healthy again.

To all the Americans out there: have a nice Thanksgiving!

And btw: my parcel arrived at the giveaway’s winner’s place. (thank god, i was really afraid that i wouldn’t due to customs and customs duty)

Sorry.

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 22:49:41 +0200

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I’m so busy, busy, busy. University has me back since last Monday and I have SO MUCH TO DO. This Master won’t be fun. Though I’d love to and really want to blog, I haven’t found the time yet. But be prepared. There may be some little free spot left at the weekend.

To the anon who send me an ask, I’ll answer that soon as well.

I’m taking it seriously to get enough sleep this semester. Most of the days I’m not at home for 10-12 hours straight, I eat, I chill, I do stuff you need to do and then I head to bed.

But see ya soon!

Salad with feta and grapes, balsamic vinegar, olive oil- 8PP

Wed, 10 Oct 2012 19:56:52 +0200

Salad with feta and grapes, balsamic vinegar, olive oil- 8PP

Looking at your pic, a boobs job definitely isn't needed; you're beautiful as is. That said, people tend to love or hate them. So is you do get them, go big. Those who hate fake boobs will hate them regardless.

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 22:42:07 +0200

Problem is that my boobs don’t look like this when I am naked. They shrank down to a quarter of the size you can see on the picture. That’s what I meant when I said that I am only happy with them wearing a push up bra. Also, they are not only tiny, they are not nice. They don’t have a round shape, or anything which comes near to a round shape. I don’t want perfect, huge, round boobs. I’m not that kind of a girl. I just want a nice B cup (US A). That’s it. And I want to be able to wear bras without cups. And in the end I just want to be confident about them.

In the end I will do what I think is best for me. Unfortunately no one can change my opinion. No friend, no stranger, no family member, no boyfriend, man or whatever. Because it’s all about what I think and don’t like. (the point you mention about what other people think about fake boobs - I really don’t mind)

But still, thanks for taking the time to leave me a message. I absolutely understand that a boob job is still a highly controversial issue, I tolerate all opinions on them. But I live my own life and let live and I expect other people to do the same.

Some boob-job talk. So, you can see how my boobs look nice and...

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:11:12 +0200

Some boob-job talk.

So, you can see how my boobs look nice and ‘big’ (for my measure) here? That’s the work of my awesome super push-them-up-and-make-them-big-bra and the collar of my pullover. Yeah, that’s it. Subtract those things and wuuush, nothing.

Yesterday I was so, so tempted to beg my parents to buy this deal on this special deal site. Like 3.000€ for a boob job. Oh well, but I didn’t.

I don’t know if anyone of you can relate to my situation. But if you can, you’ll understand when I say that I NEED a breast augmentation. This one part of my body is unchangeable. I cannot do anything but hide or manipulate it. They are such a turn-off. For me. Yeah. Well. So, I need this done. Anyone rich and want to send me money? Haha.

Yeah, as you can tell, I am into red lately. I thought I share...

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 20:36:24 +0200

Yeah, as you can tell, I am into red lately. I thought I share with you what I bought. Boots and heels of course, always elongates the legs. An a-line dress, always good to hide a muffin top. A chic red dress for special occasions. A simple cardigan in catchy red as well. A handy purse. And a simple jacket for autumn/winter. Pictures of worn outfits will follow, I guess. (all H&M)

Btw, I won’t do without nice clothes only because I am not skinny. There’s no reason for that. As long as it doesn’t look unflattering, you should always give it a go.

Just a few impressions from my walks in the woods. I love autumn...

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 19:28:11 +0200

Just a few impressions from my walks in the woods. I love autumn and I love the woods. Always so quiet, and the air, do you ever breathe the air out there? It smells so fresh and aaah, it’s just so nice.

Photo

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 22:50:21 +0200

Photo

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 22:03:39 +0200

final15 replied to your post: Such a miserable mess I am I had a REALLY bad week too and have felt...

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 21:42:38 +0200

final15 replied to your post: Such a miserable mess I am

I had a REALLY bad week too and have felt totally uninspired, unmotivated and just un-me. Maybe we can blame the zodiac?

Yeah, I think we can. The moon isn’t innocent either, I reckon. ;)

I survived the bachelor thesis

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 21:40:34 +0200

I finished my bachelor thesis yesterday. Do I hear some claps? Yeah? Applause, applause. Thank you. Those last 6 days were tough but it is done. I am so relieved by now. Today I’ve cleaned my whole apartment, sorted through all my documents and got rid of a lot of stuff I don’t need. You cannot imagine how good this feels. I’d say that my apartment reflects my inner state. Now it’s all cleaned up again.

Then I spend some attention to myself and had a nice long shower, peels, conditioner and all that jazz. And now I finally feel like a human being again.

Writing my bachelor thesis at the last minute involved not leaving my apartment 5 days straight, neglecting my personal hygiene and not talking to anyone. Well, it also involved about 15l of tea and lots of cigarettes. Yeah, my guilty pleasure.

But now I can focus on weight loss again and it all started with this delicious salad I created this evening. Autumn has arrived, it’s already quite cold outside and I have the candles burning. I like autumn, it’s one of my favourite seasons.

I have a few posts in mind because now I finally have the time again to spend time on tumblr. I still have semester break until October, 15th. Next week I am going to go to my parent’s place and stay there for a week. I want to focus on sport and my diet. Also I want to go on long walks in the woods, take lots of photos and maybe find the time to draw. So, see you very soon.

Autumnal salad with pumpkin, grapes and camembert - 7PP

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 21:17:07 +0200

Autumnal salad with pumpkin, grapes and camembert - 7PP

Such a miserable mess I am

Sat, 22 Sep 2012 23:10:26 +0200

Okay, may I please just write down here that I had the worst week foodwise in a long time. I don’t know what’s going on.
I ate too much, way too much and I had cravings for anything. I ate until I was sick?!?! Hell yeah. I hate this.

It was not really a binge week, it was more an uncontrollable eating week.

Possible triggers: my bachelor thesis which is due next friday and not finished. Stress. Emotional stress.
Or it’s the pill. Birth control, you know?

Solution: just finish this damn bachelor thesis, get off your ass Sarah! I feel so useless and lazy. Fuck it. For bc, no idea what to do. Simply do not give in all those cravings (easier said than done).

I feel like a complete failure and I hate everything right now. I haven’t felt like this in ages and I really don’t like it. Should be enough to stop it, shouldn’t it? Yeah. But it’s not that easy. Right now I regret taking the pill again and I regret that I didn’t write my bachelor thesis earlier. I hate it.

I could cry right now. I just want someone to take me in their arms, write this thesis for me and don’t know, send me on a year long holiday.

This is such a breakdown and it’s so sad that it’s happening because I thought I got everything under control. Seems like I don’t.

Doubts, doubts everywhere. I don’t know what to do with my life.

Tell me what to do. I am such a mess right now. You’ll here from me again when this damn bachelor thesis is done.

But for weigh-in: I want to weigh in again in about 3 weeks, just to give me some time to sort this out. Sorry.

Where did you buy all the clothes from your giveaway? They were super pretty :D

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 22:51:47 +0200

They were all H&M. I don’t remember where I got the two purses and the bangles. But meanwhile I guess none of those items are available anymore.

Waiting for my train to arrive, in the sun. It’s a...

Sun, 16 Sep 2012 12:16:12 +0200

Waiting for my train to arrive, in the sun. It’s a beautiful sunday.

Let's get drunk together - now!

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 22:02:01 +0200

Prost! (in german)

My face! New hair color - new lipstick - I love it. Sleek True...

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 20:39:47 +0200

My face! New hair color - new lipstick - I love it. Sleek True Color in Stiletto. By the way, Sleek is a great, non-expensive makeup brand, check it out if you are into makeup.

Fruity Turkey hen Curry - 11PP

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 20:13:53 +0200

Fruity Turkey hen Curry - 11PP

Photo

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 11:08:05 +0200